Notes On Love
by TofuLove
Summary: She's convinced herself that what happened with the man formerly known as 'nothing but Harry's godfather' was not for the faint of heart. She knows about his past. He is a little odd and a little scheming and a lot dangerous. H/S
1. Chapter 1

Dizclaimer: I don't own any Harry potter settings or characters. Jk Rowling does.

Rated for adult themes.

_**Chocolate-covered life lessons**_

**Don't notice**

He finds it ridiculous that he can be back here after 14 years behind that damn veil and still be the same age he was when he disappeared through it.

He finds it even more ridiculous that it isn't Harry's wedding band or his cousin's pregnant belly and Remus' proud smile which is the first thing he notices at his 'welcome back' party.

He finds the fact that they can throw him a 'Welcome back' party for something like coming back from the dead almost as ridiculous as he finds the fact that Hermione Granger is beautiful and older and not so off limits anymore.

**Don't get noticed**

He sips his coffee in less then peace, wondering why he can't get the image of Granger in that slimming outfit out of his mind. Wondering why he wants to learn more about those prominent curves. Hear more of that sweet voice in his ear… temptation is a friend

"Padfoot?"

He can only give a questioning sound to the werewolf who he knows has been sitting there watching him think.

"You should talk to her."

He's not going to ask how Moony knows. You never ask how Moony knows the things he does. Now that he thinks about it, the werewolf was probably watching every glance he shot her at the party last night. He was probably watching every almost move he made towards her.

He probably had the whole thing figured out before Sirius had even finished his second glass of Firewhiskey.

He takes another sip.

Damn keen senses.

**Don't get Cocky**

He has a feeling that Moony has spoken to Granger. Either that or she is just as perceptive as the damn werewolf. He doesn't have any other explanation for why there is now an owl with her sleek, jointed handwriting on his desk, inviting him for dinner tonight.

He wonders how obvious he really was.

He lets an amused smirk grace his features. It's just like Sirius Black to already have a date just a few weeks after he's come back to the wizarding world, or the world of the living, whichever sounds better.

**Don't let time get away from you**

He isn't sure how it happened but its two weeks from the first night he met with her and he can't quite understand how he got here.

He recalls the cheerful familiar conversation of Dinner. He recalls laughing at her attempt to out do him in a drinking contest. He even recalls feeling that small twinge of something unfamiliar stir in his stomach at watching how cute she was as she slurred her speech.

He himself has a bit of a blurred memory when you ask him how they ended up together in her small apartment flat. However he isn't complaining and he will never in a million years admit to feeling relief when their bodies clash together. He doesn't realize she's trembling until her skin is pressed tight within his embrace, and by then it's too late.

she breathes warm and heavy against Sirius's neck, and he hates her like he has never hated anyone in his life

And all the more because he has the feeling he doesn't hate her very much at all.

**it's not safe to stare**

He had himself convinced that he knew how to stay carefree. The idea of being able to flutter between so many different girls was to not get attached. If you never kiss them then they'll never drive you wild.

He thinks that maybe

_(damp skid of sweat-slick skin, bones creaking, delirious crush of long fingers)_

It's a bit too late for those kinds of lessons to occur to him

_(wet wet heat, nip of sharp teeth, pulsing blood want need)_

This only makes him more nervous

He has never been a slow learner

Now staring here into her chocolate orbs with her curls twined between his fingers he thinks that maybe one lesson he should have learned was that it's dangerous to stare into those eyes. Maybe their brain waves are on the same pattern, because in a moment she is up and dressed and with one apologetic smile, out the door. He can't help but feel alone and he hates why.

"_Some had crawled their way into your heart, to rend your ventricles apart."_

_**Bookwork and Penmanship**_

She realizes she should finish her night's work. She has to grade the first year's essays over Muggles' interpretations of medieval magic. Not to mention finish next month's lesson plans involving the proper history of electricity. She knew some wizards were clueless about muggles but this…

She can't help

_(Harsh whispers, inviting scents, dark eyes)_

But find herself

_(drunken desires, fleeing the scene)_

A bit

_(The look he gave her)_

Distracted

She has convinced herself that what happened with the man formerly known as 'nothing but Harry's godfather' was an act not for the faint of heart. She's aware of his past. He's a little odd, and a little scheming, and a lot dangerous. He will break her…that is if he hasn't already. She's smart enough to admit to herself at least that this is one hole that she can't dig herself out of. How terribly easy it was to fall in. Easier then she would like to admit to _anyone_ at the moment.

The judging eyes of others always seem to be on her,

('_Why is it such a bad thing?_')

That stupid wolfish grin.

judging eyes that books have the mercy not to posses, the same mercy that allows their pages to be filled with all sorts of distracting information.

Yet every word diverts her attention away from the book and back towards the dark haired wizard who she shared a bed with last night. She realizes she owes him something. Some kind of explanation or confession, but she wonders weather he really wants that from her.

It's been almost a month, and she wants to know where this is heading.

She wants to know weather she is wasting her time pining over this tall, dark, dangerous man who seems just a bit too good for one stuck up, bookish Hermione Granger. Girlish insecurities have never become her, but now they seem to be eating her up inside and she wants to know if there is a good reason why she's doing this to herself.

A letter is brief and distant and not so very personal, and perfect for the oh, so personal message that she wants to relay to him without scaring him off.

Her penmanship has never been an issue, yet now she seems to find fault in every curve of every letter. How so deceptive they are in the elegant way they spell out such a very deep conformation. How they say so plainly what she wants to push for more.

All she can do now is put her trust and her heart in the talons of an owl headed his way.

Back to work.

_**Shock value**_

Sirius can count how many times he has been lost for words in his life on one hand. All of them involving either his own death or the death of his friends. None of them involving a very pretty girl telling him she loved him. If that were the case the list would be a lot longer. Yet for all of his insensitivity he knows that this isn't something that can be discussed through an owl. It lessens the meaning, which is perhaps what the clever little witch wanted. She mustn't think very much of him. To him this feels too much like school children writing notes back and forth.

_(Shy giggles and boxes with check marks)_

Yet realizing that he has to confront this and force himself to come to a conclusion of his feelings confuses him more then anything else. There's no romantic translation for feeling confused about how to express his feelings for her. It's not as if he doesn't care for her he just doesn't know if he wants her to be his air, his need for surviving, and even though she may not want to become quite that important in his life he has a feeling that if he agrees to what he feels for her she just might become that important weather he likes it or not.

For once he doesn't want to take that risk

Yet he knows that admitting that to her is ending every chance he would ever have with her. She isn't stupid enough to take him back and she's smart enough to realize his uncertainty even if he doesn't tell her.

It's a shame then that he's already confirmed to meeting her in half an hour in Hogsmead. It's a shame that his yearning for a lack of incommunicado in his life is what will ultimately bring him to that same conclusion. He's stuck in a circle that he doesn't want to travel around anymore. He's always up for the adventure of seeing what happens next.

Goodness knows she saw this coming, or at least she'll claim she did. Anyone with a fully formed brain and any knowledge of the personality of Sirius Black would have been able to predict his answer.

_("I just don't know, I care for you but…this is making things more complicated")_

She won't admit that really she's lost for words

_("I see…well…I suppose this is goodbye then.")_

She supposes that she can never truly escape those hopes that every girl has

_("I…I understand. Goodbye Hermione.")_

She just thought she, being smarter then the average girl, would know better then to take comfort in those thoughts. Her father often called them the thoughts of a 'stupid girl'.

_("You have to be logical Hermione. There are always going to be problems in every relationship.")_

Yes well this certainly constituted as a problem. One that she should have been smart enough to _truly_ see coming.

Nothing left to do now but pick up the pieces. She doesn't think she has ever felt more foolish or empty in her life. She allowed herself to be caught up in someone as dangerous and free spirited as Sirius Black instead of sticking with someone a bit more grounded. Those are the logical choices.

_("I don't know")_

…if you don't know hunny…then you don't.

_(At least when Ron broke her heart he let her keep it)_

Well

_(Falling)_

Back

_(In)_

To

_(Love)_

Work

_**The importance of Flowers and other rubbish**_

"_If you never think of her then you'll never miss her or wonder what she's doing."_

_James has that skeptical look on his face and Sirius just continues to smirk._

"_I don't know Sirius, there's something different about this girl"_

_Sirius scoffs. "They're all the same. Just desperate little witches looking for romance to make them feel important with more overactive sex drives then all of us combined."_

He can remember saying those words to his friends. He can remember meaning them to, and now all he can think about is what an immature little git he sounded like. He wishes those words were true now.

_(If I never think about her I'll never miss her at all)_

He knows what he's afraid of but that really only makes him feel worse.

_(If I never let me love her then I'll never settle down)_

The trouble with never is never _never_ works…at least not with her.

Sirius has never bought her flowers. Flowers just seem much too young and girly for someone as clever and mature as Hermione. She would probably laugh at him, not only at the fact that she has probably never cared for flowers, but more at the fact that he is the one giving them. Probably even more for the fact that he is giving her flowers to say sorry that he didn't say 'I love you'. He has been told by Moony that they are easily the three most important words in the female language. He'll just have to take the man's word for it considering he has never been good with this long-term stuff.

He has certainly never been the rational thinker either.

All that's left to do is bring them to her, and be ready to actually plan what he's going to say and not fly by the seat of his trousers this time. A simple mistake starts the hardest time. Though he doubts that she will ever perceive what he did as a simple mistake. Even worse, would be if she does, because even he's smart enough to realize when he's not wanted, and perhaps _that's_ what he's afraid to see.

_**Synonyms X 3**_

When Sirius showed up on her doorstep a week after their…'discussion' needless to say she was taken aback. Suddenly the end of the world was at hand because never before had Hermione Granger been speechless. The teachings of her father's stupid hopes seemed to delete themselves because never had Hermione had room for useless information in her head. A jumble of other words brought themselves forward and it seemed to be a moment for firsts because she couldn't seem to form a proper sentence in her head as he spoke. She grasped around for something to hold onto and focus on and only seemed to come across one word.

Redemption.

Though she couldn't be sure how relevant it was to this situation.

She pulls away, lamely adjusting her collar—but before she can go farther, Sirius has caught her by the wrist, and is glaring at her with what she recognizes as arrogant, unadulterated rage.

"Listen, you bloody idiot—"

"Let me go," she says. her chest is tight with what must be anger; she can hardly breathe.

"I won't," Sirius snaps, but his eyes are soft, and she hates him.

"You will," and she jerks her arm away. "Trust me."

**Recovery**

It was amazing how easy it was to believe everything he had to say to her. How fast she seemed to come out of the dump she had been in since their meeting. It seemed miraculous to her how this could all be happening. It still felt to her…fragile. As if this sincerity he seemed to have towards her could break at any moment.

She was just

_(Dark eyes)_

About

_(Heat on her neck)_

Convinced

**Emancipation**

This incommunicado he had been afraid to feel, this feeling of being trapped in a relationship with her was something he no longer felt. People didn't fall in love and stay that way because they were trapped. They remained because they wanted to; it was an unrestraint, an exact opposite of what he thought he had been running from.

_(Her heat against him)_

This

_(Trembling Fingers down his spine)_

Was no

_(__**Release)**_

Cage

* * *

Thanks for reading my unorthodox experiment. I've recently re-edited it to make it better. just grammer changes and such.

the next in the series ('Notes on Marriage') is done too. (Or it will be within the next hour) please review.


	2. Notes On Marriage

The next enstalment of this story has been completed.

The title being of course **Notes on Marriage**

I hope everyone enjoys it and i thank every single one of the wonderfull people who reviewed, favorite-ed (?), and added this story to their alert list. It seriously does a lot for my ego and helps give me a kick in the pants when I have to get some writting done. Major props to you guys. I hope you enjoy the next story.


End file.
